Time flies when you're having fun but they also creep away just as quickly when you're busy. Personally, I find myself really enjoying being busy, probably for the past three years now. Recently I found myself slowing down, not so much by choice, but the need to just pause for a moment, assess everything around me, and question a few things. You can say I'm at a crossroad once again, just as I was two years ago when I was panicking for the HSC and unsure as to where it would take me and ultimately whether or not it would be the right place for me.

For a while now I have been hearing lots of compliments and envies regarding what I've been doing since I graduated Year 12. Honestly? When I first entered university I thought it was all a mistake.

I was initially accepted into my first choice which was the Bachelor of International Relations and Law at the Australian National University located in Canberra. It was my dream university, degree and in my favourite city in Australia. However, at the time I was travelling across Europe and China to celebrate the completion of high school exams and due to what I exposed to, I had lots of conflicting thoughts and wondered whether or not it's really what I should do. I contemplated going to TAFE to do a make-up course or learn about making coffee. My grandpa was also against the possibility of attending ANU. Like many others, he thought Canberra is a 'hole' and he wanted me to be close to my parents. What ultimately sealed the deal though, was the fact how expensive rent was down there. Since I hesitated for so long, I failed to find off-campus accommodation and on-campus wasn't really an option because the price was just ridiculous. I could've asked my parents for financial assistance but for some unknown reason, and I still can't answer this today as to why I made such a decision, I said to myself that I will not spend a single cent of my parents' money after I graduate Year 12.

It hurt. When I pressed 'reject offer' for ANU. It still hurts thinking about it today, though I have no regrets. If it's really meant to be, I can always return in my later years to study my second degree there, perhaps a Masters or something. I subsequently applied for the University of Technology, Sydney's Bachelor of Business and Law. I never imagined myself going to UTS. I always thought it would be either ANU or University of Sydney because my dad went there.

I was accepted and upon returning from my two months trip, jumped into university life straight away. At first, I didn't like UTS but with the benefit of hindsight, I think I was confused with the disliking of universities in general from my own university. UTS is a great place - I love it now (although to be completely honest, while the whole 'trimesters' thing might work for some degrees, it is not such good news for a law degree). I did find first year challenging because of the high expectations of self-productivity and control but after a while, I found my standing.

It was all a rollercoaster ride after that. I got my first job as a climb leader at BridgeClimb, taking climbers from all around the world up to the top of the amazing and symbolic structure that is the Sydney Harbour Bridge. The training process was so damn difficult, I can still recall the details vividly and how tired I was leaving home at 5 or 6am and returning at 5pm, jumping straight into bed, and that continued for three weeks. Starting wasn't easy either because it was my first job and I didn't know a lot of things, including how to talk and deal with people. That aside, I knew I was beyond lucky to have such a position as my first paying job. Even today I sometimes think I take it for granted.

A month after BridgeClimb I also took up a position as an English and Economics tutor at a coaching centre, specialising in Year 11 and 12 students. Later on, I also began working as a personal tutor. Therefore, by June 2015 I found myself working three jobs, beyond part-time hours and on most weeks edging close to full-time hours, whilst juggling my full-time degree. It was so damn hard but I found myself secretly enjoying it. It wasn't until much later that I realised this personal enjoyment and satisfaction, even a guilty pleasure if you will, came at a heavy price.

Eventually, I found out that I no longer have time for my friends nor my family. My younger brother Chris is seven years old currently and it's been a while since I've spent some quality time with him. I missed out on a lot of his 'firsts' and I always make the promise of going to the movies with him on the weekends, but I only get one Saturday/Sunday off every few months or so, and this is horrible to admit to but when I finally had a day off, I wanted to do nothing but to stay home and do nothing. For me, anything that involved me leaving my house door felt like work. Even spending time with my family wasn't enjoyable anymore, and I found myself counting the hours I felt like was 'wasted' when I was at a dinner with them when I could've been studying or working. It felt so wrong. It shouldn't be like this. I was nineteen. Regardless, the year came and went, and I felt strangely satisfied.

This year started off even crazier than the last. I decided to pick up another degree, being a Bachelor of Arts (France) part-time and found myself juggling that with my Business/Law degree and my three jobs. Somehow I survived the first semester and even today I wonder how I did. I knew there was something wrong though. I didn't sleep enough, four hours was the norm and five even if I'm lucky so I began having headaches and often, out of the blue, I felt dizzy and wanted to faint and this continued for close to two months and I knew I had to make some changes.

I knew, but I didn't. You can say and know things, but whether or not you follow up and do them is a completely different story. I ended up putting my Arts degree on pause after one semester, and when I started my Spring semester I promised to give myself some time off, then an amazing opportunity came up. A Social Marketing and Media Internship position at my university's careers department. I read the job description and everything screamed me. I applied and got it. Then, to make that extra icing on top, I got the executive position of a Marketing Director at one of the university's student societies. So before I got my head straight I ended up still doing BridgeClimb, my public and private tutoring and now with these two additional responsibilities. Again, hard work balancing everything but everything went by really well surprisingly once again and I even managed to even squeeze in some personal commitments here and there.

Now, two other fantastic opportunities had opened up and I just can't bring myself to say no to. One is a Legal Intern position at my university and another is helping out with someone's start up business and personal projects and she is someone I've looked up to since last year after meeting her at a law conference. I am not confident about getting the Legal position because I made a very careless and easily avoidable mistake during the interviews. I think recently I have definitely been all up in my head and got a bit full of myself so this is a mistake I will remember for a long time to come and use it to keep reminding myself to never repeat it. Regardless, my point is, is that it seems like I just can't bring myself to slow down but I think I probably should...

Lately, it appears everyone around me is either proud and envious of what I've done in the past year and a half. Besides all the work and academic commitments I have already discussed, I brought my own car and moved out to Chippendale, Central Park for a while. Some have heavily criticised my 'changes' and I definitely see where they are coming from. However, at the same time, I also want people to know, and this includes my parents, of what I've done and gone through in the past twenty-one months. To be understanding of my fear of failure and fall behind in life and that is why I can't slow down, and also for my friends especially to appreciate that I have worked immensely hard to have what I own today and I made a lot of sacrifices. I am tired and I wish everyone around me would cut me some slack whether it's the lack of time I have for personal commitments or for having 'the things I have, which I have brought and earned myself, that most people our age can't have'.

Trust me. I am having a hard time figuring out whether or not this is all worth it, or if I am doing the right thing. I have doubts about various things every single day as soon as I open my eyes.

For now though, since I am still unsure, I will most likely keep on going. I hope that I will have the strength to continue. Even if I do pause, I hope it is not a sign that I am weak but that I am simply recovering and preparing to become even stronger. Even if one day I do break down, it will be alright and I will soon find the strength to stand back up and move forward once again.

Labels: life, thoughts, university

The morning start off pretty well, with the news of Khan being found guilty of murder for the death of Mr. Chris Noble. If you haven't been following the news it all began in September 2014 when Adeel Ahmad Khan decided to set his own convenience store on fire, despite knowing that there are various individuals and families living above the store. It caused an explosion and fire, which ultimately resulted in the death of Mr. Noble and mother Mrs. Bianka O'Brien and her son, Jude.

Allegedly, Khan decided to set his Rozelle store on fire in attempting to retrieve insurance compensation for it, as he was later revealed to be in debt of over $300,000 AUD. Granted, I really haven't followed this story closely and continuously enough to know of all the public details but from the amount of news articles and court reports I have read on it, I can conclude that innocent lives were taken far too early that day due to the greed and brutality of another human-being. According to court recounts, Khan showed no display of emotion when the juries returned with a guilty verdict. 

Juries are yet to decided on whether Khan should be found guilty of the murder of Mrs O'Brien and her son due to the manner of conduction of the case and trial, with different sets of relevant facts for O'Brien and Noble. I am hopeful though.

In other news, it really has been a while since my last update. A lot has happened, mostly good things. It's funny how things can change so much in just a few months. I'll save them for another day, when I am not actually supposed to be studying for my finals. 

Second year of university. Tort Law. Criminal Law. Accounting B. 

Labels: life, university

Time flies when you're having fun but they also creep away just as quickly when you're busy. Personally, I find myself really enjoying being busy, probably for the past three years now. Recently I found myself slowing down, not so much by choice, but the need to just pause for a moment, assess everything around me, and question a few things. You can say I'm at a crossroad once again, just as I was two years ago when I was panicking for the HSC and unsure as to where it would take me and ultimately whether or not it would be the right place for me.

For a while now I have been hearing lots of compliments and envies regarding what I've been doing since I graduated Year 12. Honestly? When I first entered university I thought it was all a mistake.

I was initially accepted into my first choice which was the Bachelor of International Relations and Law at the Australian National University located in Canberra. It was my dream university, degree and in my favourite city in Australia. However, at the time I was travelling across Europe and China to celebrate the completion of high school exams and due to what I exposed to, I had lots of conflicting thoughts and wondered whether or not it's really what I should do. I contemplated going to TAFE to do a make-up course or learn about making coffee. My grandpa was also against the possibility of attending ANU. Like many others, he thought Canberra is a 'hole' and he wanted me to be close to my parents. What ultimately sealed the deal though, was the fact how expensive rent was down there. Since I hesitated for so long, I failed to find off-campus accommodation and on-campus wasn't really an option because the price was just ridiculous. I could've asked my parents for financial assistance but for some unknown reason, and I still can't answer this today as to why I made such a decision, I said to myself that I will not spend a single cent of my parents' money after I graduate Year 12.

It hurt. When I pressed 'reject offer' for ANU. It still hurts thinking about it today, though I have no regrets. If it's really meant to be, I can always return in my later years to study my second degree there, perhaps a Masters or something. I subsequently applied for the University of Technology, Sydney's Bachelor of Business and Law. I never imagined myself going to UTS. I always thought it would be either ANU or University of Sydney because my dad went there.

I was accepted and upon returning from my two months trip, jumped into university life straight away. At first, I didn't like UTS but with the benefit of hindsight, I think I was confused with the disliking of universities in general from my own university. UTS is a great place - I love it now (although to be completely honest, while the whole 'trimesters' thing might work for some degrees, it is not such good news for a law degree). I did find first year challenging because of the high expectations of self-productivity and control but after a while, I found my standing.

It was all a rollercoaster ride after that. I got my first job as a climb leader at BridgeClimb, taking climbers from all around the world up to the top of the amazing and symbolic structure that is the Sydney Harbour Bridge. The training process was so damn difficult, I can still recall the details vividly and how tired I was leaving home at 5 or 6am and returning at 5pm, jumping straight into bed, and that continued for three weeks. Starting wasn't easy either because it was my first job and I didn't know a lot of things, including how to talk and deal with people. That aside, I knew I was beyond lucky to have such a position as my first paying job. Even today I sometimes think I take it for granted.

A month after BridgeClimb I also took up a position as an English and Economics tutor at a coaching centre, specialising in Year 11 and 12 students. Later on, I also began working as a personal tutor. Therefore, by June 2015 I found myself working three jobs, beyond part-time hours and on most weeks edging close to full-time hours, whilst juggling my full-time degree. It was so damn hard but I found myself secretly enjoying it. It wasn't until much later that I realised this personal enjoyment and satisfaction, even a guilty pleasure if you will, came at a heavy price.

Eventually, I found out that I no longer have time for my friends nor my family. My younger brother Chris is seven years old currently and it's been a while since I've spent some quality time with him. I missed out on a lot of his 'firsts' and I always make the promise of going to the movies with him on the weekends, but I only get one Saturday/Sunday off every few months or so, and this is horrible to admit to but when I finally had a day off, I wanted to do nothing but to stay home and do nothing. For me, anything that involved me leaving my house door felt like work. Even spending time with my family wasn't enjoyable anymore, and I found myself counting the hours I felt like was 'wasted' when I was at a dinner with them when I could've been studying or working. It felt so wrong. It shouldn't be like this. I was nineteen. Regardless, the year came and went, and I felt strangely satisfied.

This year started off even crazier than the last. I decided to pick up another degree, being a Bachelor of Arts (France) part-time and found myself juggling that with my Business/Law degree and my three jobs. Somehow I survived the first semester and even today I wonder how I did. I knew there was something wrong though. I didn't sleep enough, four hours was the norm and five even if I'm lucky so I began having headaches and often, out of the blue, I felt dizzy and wanted to faint and this continued for close to two months and I knew I had to make some changes.

I knew, but I didn't. You can say and know things, but whether or not you follow up and do them is a completely different story. I ended up putting my Arts degree on pause after one semester, and when I started my Spring semester I promised to give myself some time off, then an amazing opportunity came up. A Social Marketing and Media Internship position at my university's careers department. I read the job description and everything screamed me. I applied and got it. Then, to make that extra icing on top, I got the executive position of a Marketing Director at one of the university's student societies. So before I got my head straight I ended up still doing BridgeClimb, my public and private tutoring and now with these two additional responsibilities. Again, hard work balancing everything but everything went by really well surprisingly once again and I even managed to even squeeze in some personal commitments here and there.

Now, two other fantastic opportunities had opened up and I just can't bring myself to say no to. One is a Legal Intern position at my university and another is helping out with someone's start up business and personal projects and she is someone I've looked up to since last year after meeting her at a law conference. I am not confident about getting the Legal position because I made a very careless and easily avoidable mistake during the interviews. I think recently I have definitely been all up in my head and got a bit full of myself so this is a mistake I will remember for a long time to come and use it to keep reminding myself to never repeat it. Regardless, my point is, is that it seems like I just can't bring myself to slow down but I think I probably should...

Lately, it appears everyone around me is either proud and envious of what I've done in the past year and a half. Besides all the work and academic commitments I have already discussed, I brought my own car and moved out to Chippendale, Central Park for a while. Some have heavily criticised my 'changes' and I definitely see where they are coming from. However, at the same time, I also want people to know, and this includes my parents, of what I've done and gone through in the past twenty-one months. To be understanding of my fear of failure and fall behind in life and that is why I can't slow down, and also for my friends especially to appreciate that I have worked immensely hard to have what I own today and I made a lot of sacrifices. I am tired and I wish everyone around me would cut me some slack whether it's the lack of time I have for personal commitments or for having 'the things I have, which I have brought and earned myself, that most people our age can't have'.

Trust me. I am having a hard time figuring out whether or not this is all worth it, or if I am doing the right thing. I have doubts about various things every single day as soon as I open my eyes.

For now though, since I am still unsure, I will most likely keep on going. I hope that I will have the strength to continue. Even if I do pause, I hope it is not a sign that I am weak but that I am simply recovering and preparing to become even stronger. Even if one day I do break down, it will be alright and I will soon find the strength to stand back up and move forward once again.

Labels: life, thoughts, university

The morning start off pretty well, with the news of Khan being found guilty of murder for the death of Mr. Chris Noble. If you haven't been following the news it all began in September 2014 when Adeel Ahmad Khan decided to set his own convenience store on fire, despite knowing that there are various individuals and families living above the store. It caused an explosion and fire, which ultimately resulted in the death of Mr. Noble and mother Mrs. Bianka O'Brien and her son, Jude.

Allegedly, Khan decided to set his Rozelle store on fire in attempting to retrieve insurance compensation for it, as he was later revealed to be in debt of over $300,000 AUD. Granted, I really haven't followed this story closely and continuously enough to know of all the public details but from the amount of news articles and court reports I have read on it, I can conclude that innocent lives were taken far too early that day due to the greed and brutality of another human-being. According to court recounts, Khan showed no display of emotion when the juries returned with a guilty verdict. 

Juries are yet to decided on whether Khan should be found guilty of the murder of Mrs O'Brien and her son due to the manner of conduction of the case and trial, with different sets of relevant facts for O'Brien and Noble. I am hopeful though.

In other news, it really has been a while since my last update. A lot has happened, mostly good things. It's funny how things can change so much in just a few months. I'll save them for another day, when I am not actually supposed to be studying for my finals. 

Second year of university. Tort Law. Criminal Law. Accounting B. 

Labels: life, university

My name is Joanne and I'm currently a nineteen year old business and law student studying in Sydney, Australia. I started this blog seven years ago and a lot has changed since then but some things will always remain the same - I still enjoy rainbow lollipops, playing Sims and L4D. Even today, you will continue to most likely to find me playing drums for my neighbours at night. There will always be something special about Takanori Matsumoto, through all the good and bad times, his voice is always the best thing to hear. Before you ask me something please check the F.A.Q. Master List.

걸스홀릭 Forever ~ < 3
Proud former AL Elite Admin


UPDATED (28/8/13):
+ These ■ happy family ■ happy brother