110830
Tuesday, 30 August 2011 // 10:01 pm
To me, the idea of heaven would give you certain pleasures, certain joys - but it's very important to have an intellectual understanding of why you want those things. It's also about discovery, and being able to come to the conclusions that elude you in life. So it's from the most simplistic things - Susie wants a duplex - to larger things, like being able to understand why her mother was always slightly distant from her. - Alice Sebold
It is when trouble makes a visit when we realise how precious and a good life we had before. It is never too late to make a commitment - only never. Of all greatest things in life friendship and family are indeed the best you can ask for.
These were the lovely bones that had grown around my absence: the connections — sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at great cost, but often magnificent — that happened after I was gone. And I began to see things in a way that let me hold the world without me in it. The events my death brought were merely the bones of a body that would become whole at some unpredictable time in the future. The price of what I came to see as this miraculous lifeless body had been my life. (The Lovely Bones)
Life is certainly not easy but I am thankful to be breathing and sitting in front of a computer typing this to you. Many expressed their opinions of me as a very emo-tional person. All the time, everyone feels so far away from me. I can be sitting next to my friends at recess and lunch but it feels like we are not in the same world. There is an invisible wall that you can not see or touch, only sensing it there. Me emotional? I disagreed but no one would stop for a second and listen to the two words: I'm Not. Sometimes I say too much but at times it is only necessary. Now a days I even find it tiring to speak, I need to use a lot of effort to do simple things like listening. People say time will solve everything... let's hope it's right. That will certainly make my life a lot easier... I guess the clock does tick life away.
You are a nobody! An It! You are nonexistent! You are a bastard child! I hate you and i wish you were dead! Dead! do you hear me? Dead! (A Child Called "It")
Sometimes at the busiest time of everyone else's day, why not stop and freeze for 30 seconds? This is something I repeat on a daily pattern and is what has been keeping me standing for the past few weeks. Think of what you are doing, good thing or bad thing, is it necessary? Will doing it make my life or most importantly, myself any happier? Since I have been sick for the past week and my parents are fighting every night this entry about life is the most I can offer to you guys. Learn to control yourself and the emotions within, it'll become the best skill you can ever learn.
I always get told I think too much and about way too complicated things for someone my age. Sorry to say but I can not control this; people and things around me does. My parents have been the main influence for me since the second I was born and they were nothing but bad influence. I have realised this a long, long time ago but it was until recently that my common sense confirmed it. I refused to believe it, blocking it out but after thirteen years it is simply something you can not ignore. Everything here (except for text in italics) are being typed and told through my way of things. You do not have to agree, just show some respect for it.
Are You Happy?
I know I'm not.
I know I'm not.
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2010-05-14. That was the date, the day I typed the entry above. A lot has changed.
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